Blog Category: Protective Parenting

Is social media a blessing or a curse?  Is the ability to connect and share online something you crave or something you dread? Or both?

The good news is that the topic of #Saveourchildren has gone "viral," which demonstrates the value of children in our community (using the term broadly) but honestly, I'm clueless about hashtags or what to do with them.  I talk to lots of parents (aunts, uncles, grandparents) who are struggling to understand what is safe for kids and what is not.  The looming threat of child sex trafficking is definitely on their minds.  I see the social media warnings of abductions in the big box stores or parking lots and can only imagine the anxiety of parents with previous youngsters at their side doing their routine household shopping.

While being aware of your surroundings is always good advice...the real threat to children is much more scary that the concern that someone is watching.  Don't let the social media description of predators lurking in the store distract you from a more realistic situation that the predator is someone you know.  With that in mind, I was excited to see this article today on warning signs of predators..  Read it in detail at https://www.yahoo.com/news/warning-signs-of-predators-for-parents-127261332922.html and its included on our kNow More tab.  Here's the "clliff notes" on things to be aware of to keep kids safe:

The startling, sad news is that parking lot abductions are NOT your biggest threat.  “The offender is most often familiar to the child and uses coercion and manipulation, not physical force, to engage the child,” reports the American Academy of Pediatrics. So how can mothers and fathers identify the close people most likely to have ulterior motives, or who might want to take advantage of your child? Here are a few simple ways to see the red flags that are often right in front of you: 

• Take cues from your kids.
  Parents can protect their children by being better listeners.  If a child states he or she doesn’t want to spend time with a particular person, the parents may assume their child thinks the person is boring. But the real message the child might be trying to send is that the person makes him or her feel uncomfortable.
• Consider whether someone seems to be ‘testing’ your child’s ability to protect himself.
  Does a family friend always insist on “hugging, touching, kissing, tickling, wrestling with or holding a child, even when the child does not want this physical contact or attention?” Such seemingly innocuous behaviors indicate that the adult is ignoring a child’s social, emotional and physical boundaries — and that’s a big red flag. 
• Take note if a person is sexually suggestive around your kid.
  If someone always tends to point out sexual images, or tells dirty or suggestive jokes in the presence of kids, take heed, It may be nothing, or it may be a warning signal that the person is grooming your child.

The staff at Dearing House loves it when you ask us questions or need more resources.  We admit that we don't have all the answers, but thankfully we do have access to a world of information and research from experts in the field.  Here's the bottom-line:  How do you balance all the demands on your time and energy as a caregiver, AND be ever on the watch for sexual predators?  I offer this word of encouragement: a child who's emotional needs are being met in a safe and stable environment by appropriate adults is less likely to be targeted by predators and less vulnerable to a predator's attempt to lure them away.  Kids who are valued and loved, are less likely to seek or accept the attention from questionable sources and more likely to speak up for themselves.  That bossy, outspoken child who occasionally gets on your nerves for being so opinionated is in many his or her own best defense!  You strengthen your child with your love and attention.  You keep your eyes on what is going on around them, too.

At your service,
​Maggi
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Have you ever worried about how kids overcome terrible experiences like sexual abuse?
The single most important predictor of a child’s ability to survive the unthinkable is at least ONE stable relationship with a supportive parent, caregiver or other adult! Are you the one? Of course, you are!  Maybe you didn’t realize it yet!

When you give a kid a high five for doing their best at a sporting event, you are complimenting the child’s abilities.  When you help a child with homework or read a book with them, you are strengthening their problem-solving skills.  When you take a child to visit a museum or go to a concert, you are sharing important traditions.  When you look a child in the eye and respond to their questions, you are showing the child he or she is valued.  And every time you do this, whether you are a parent, coach, relative, teacher, or neighbor, you are tipping the scales in their favor.  You are building resilience.

One way to understand the development of resilience is to visualize a seesaw or balance scale.  The Center of the Developing Child at Harvard University explains that a child’s positive experiences and coping skills on one side counterbalance adversity and abuse on the other. To tip the scale toward resilience, a child needs:

• supportive relationships with adults,
• opportunities to develop a belief in their own abilities and worth,
• opportunities to strengthen problem-solving skills, and
• sources of faith, hope and cultural traditions.

The next best lesson is that the very things you do to build resilience in a child can also decrease the likelihood they will become a victim.  Criminals are more likely to prey on children who are isolated, lonely, and neglected. When it is evident that children are reaching their full potential, supported by strong relationships in their family and community, the bad guys don’t stand a chance.  You have tipped the scales toward positive outcomes for kids!

Over 100 children come to Dearing House every year for help coping with abuse.  Every child who comes to Dearing House experiences a place where they feel important. Every child sees the team of strong adults working to protect them from further harm.  Every child hears that they are brave and strong and will no longer face evil alone.

We see resilient kids every day.  It was evident this week in 9-year-old Denise.  She admitted to being nervous about having to talk about what happened to her, but in spite of describing multiple incidents of hideous abuse, her words to me were “This was not so bad.”  I think she knew that the focus of everything we do here is about hearing, helping, and  healing.

We thank you for the ways you are the one building up kids and supporting Dearing House.  Now go tip the scales in favor of a child.
Click here for more info on resilience from Harvard
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