Is social media a blessing or a curse?  Is the ability to connect and share online something you crave or something you dread? Or both?

The good news is that the topic of #Saveourchildren has gone "viral," which demonstrates the value of children in our community (using the term broadly) but honestly, I'm clueless about hashtags or what to do with them.  I talk to lots of parents (aunts, uncles, grandparents) who are struggling to understand what is safe for kids and what is not.  The looming threat of child sex trafficking is definitely on their minds.  I see the social media warnings of abductions in the big box stores or parking lots and can only imagine the anxiety of parents with previous youngsters at their side doing their routine household shopping.

While being aware of your surroundings is always good advice...the real threat to children is much more scary that the concern that someone is watching.  Don't let the social media description of predators lurking in the store distract you from a more realistic situation that the predator is someone you know.  With that in mind, I was excited to see this article today on warning signs of predators..  Read it in detail at https://www.yahoo.com/news/warning-signs-of-predators-for-parents-127261332922.html and its included on our kNow More tab.  Here's the "clliff notes" on things to be aware of to keep kids safe:

The startling, sad news is that parking lot abductions are NOT your biggest threat.  “The offender is most often familiar to the child and uses coercion and manipulation, not physical force, to engage the child,” reports the American Academy of Pediatrics. So how can mothers and fathers identify the close people most likely to have ulterior motives, or who might want to take advantage of your child? Here are a few simple ways to see the red flags that are often right in front of you: 

• Take cues from your kids.
  Parents can protect their children by being better listeners.  If a child states he or she doesn’t want to spend time with a particular person, the parents may assume their child thinks the person is boring. But the real message the child might be trying to send is that the person makes him or her feel uncomfortable.
• Consider whether someone seems to be ‘testing’ your child’s ability to protect himself.
  Does a family friend always insist on “hugging, touching, kissing, tickling, wrestling with or holding a child, even when the child does not want this physical contact or attention?” Such seemingly innocuous behaviors indicate that the adult is ignoring a child’s social, emotional and physical boundaries — and that’s a big red flag. 
• Take note if a person is sexually suggestive around your kid.
  If someone always tends to point out sexual images, or tells dirty or suggestive jokes in the presence of kids, take heed, It may be nothing, or it may be a warning signal that the person is grooming your child.

The staff at Dearing House loves it when you ask us questions or need more resources.  We admit that we don't have all the answers, but thankfully we do have access to a world of information and research from experts in the field.  Here's the bottom-line:  How do you balance all the demands on your time and energy as a caregiver, AND be ever on the watch for sexual predators?  I offer this word of encouragement: a child who's emotional needs are being met in a safe and stable environment by appropriate adults is less likely to be targeted by predators and less vulnerable to a predator's attempt to lure them away.  Kids who are valued and loved, are less likely to seek or accept the attention from questionable sources and more likely to speak up for themselves.  That bossy, outspoken child who occasionally gets on your nerves for being so opinionated is in many his or her own best defense!  You strengthen your child with your love and attention.  You keep your eyes on what is going on around them, too.

At your service,
​Maggi
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To call it an "annual report" seems too traditional for my taste, but it is the simplest explanation. I'm not a fan of preparing lengthy written reports and I typically pay more attention to bullet points than paragraphs. How about you?

It's no simple task to define how Dearing House is meeting our mission of hearing, helping , healing children because what we do varies from day to day, moment to moment, and sometimes we can offer a quick fix and other times the services to child victims we provide are needed for years!

So what I've prepared for your reading enjoyment is a graph...of  sorts...using the standards required of all child advocacy centers by the National Children's Alliance (NCA).  You'll see those categories on the left and moving to the right, are a few of the examples of how we meet those expectations.

Our MDT...multidisciplinary child protection team...is vital to every aspect of our work. Opening lines of communication  and collaboration among more than a dozen agencies is the most efficient and effective way of responding to child abuse.  The team met 50 times last year and has outgrown our building so we are delighted that Standing Bear Museum opens its doors to us.  Helping team members stay current on research and best practices for child victims is also a big task for Dearing House!

Most people probably know that Dearing House is used for forensic Interviews of child victims.  Behind the scenes, however,  is the extensive training and peer review processes required, and the need to stay up-to-date with technology.

Victim Advocacy is a very broad term, and involves every aspect of the child's experience at Dearing House, and when necessary, at the courthouse.  Victim Advocacy also includes supporting parents as they wade through the process of child abuse investigation, and offering training and information that can prevent further trauma to the child.

Our Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner goes above and beyond to assure the well-being of victims.  On-going training and peer review are part of that, and like forensic interviewing, the technology of documenting her work changes.  Specialized training by our medical partners in Noble County assists victims of physical abuse.

Specialized counseling and trauma response is essential to the healing process of children and families, and to be able to offer it at no charge to families removes many barriers and obstacles.  Often the most effective approach is to support and instruct parents on how to prevent further trauma to their children.  Our Break the Cycle class for parents has proven to be very effective.

This is actually the FIRST annual report you will see from Dearing House as we were incorporated in 2019 and recognized by the IRS has a 501c3 charitable program.  The board of Dearing House Inc is solely focused on the effectiveness and sustainability of our services, and diligent about accountability and transparency at all levels.  We've also expanded our reach to the public through events and social media and gained 20 new investors who believe in the value of our mission,  We celebrated by adding children's art to our fence, upgrading our website, and bring more volunteers and interns on board!  

Did you learn something new? Call or respond with any comments or questions!   I don't know which of these items excites me more, so I hope you can see how  Dearing House is moving forward on hearing, helping, healing children!  

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Have you ever worried about how kids overcome terrible experiences like sexual abuse?
The single most important predictor of a child’s ability to survive the unthinkable is at least ONE stable relationship with a supportive parent, caregiver or other adult! Are you the one? Of course, you are!  Maybe you didn’t realize it yet!

When you give a kid a high five for doing their best at a sporting event, you are complimenting the child’s abilities.  When you help a child with homework or read a book with them, you are strengthening their problem-solving skills.  When you take a child to visit a museum or go to a concert, you are sharing important traditions.  When you look a child in the eye and respond to their questions, you are showing the child he or she is valued.  And every time you do this, whether you are a parent, coach, relative, teacher, or neighbor, you are tipping the scales in their favor.  You are building resilience.

One way to understand the development of resilience is to visualize a seesaw or balance scale.  The Center of the Developing Child at Harvard University explains that a child’s positive experiences and coping skills on one side counterbalance adversity and abuse on the other. To tip the scale toward resilience, a child needs:

• supportive relationships with adults,
• opportunities to develop a belief in their own abilities and worth,
• opportunities to strengthen problem-solving skills, and
• sources of faith, hope and cultural traditions.

The next best lesson is that the very things you do to build resilience in a child can also decrease the likelihood they will become a victim.  Criminals are more likely to prey on children who are isolated, lonely, and neglected. When it is evident that children are reaching their full potential, supported by strong relationships in their family and community, the bad guys don’t stand a chance.  You have tipped the scales toward positive outcomes for kids!

Over 100 children come to Dearing House every year for help coping with abuse.  Every child who comes to Dearing House experiences a place where they feel important. Every child sees the team of strong adults working to protect them from further harm.  Every child hears that they are brave and strong and will no longer face evil alone.

We see resilient kids every day.  It was evident this week in 9-year-old Denise.  She admitted to being nervous about having to talk about what happened to her, but in spite of describing multiple incidents of hideous abuse, her words to me were “This was not so bad.”  I think she knew that the focus of everything we do here is about hearing, helping, and  healing.

We thank you for the ways you are the one building up kids and supporting Dearing House.  Now go tip the scales in favor of a child.
Click here for more info on resilience from Harvard
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Do the "back to school" displays of crayons, rulers, and spiral notebooks bring back good...or bad....memories of your school years?  What about your favorite teacher?  The first person who comes to mind is my second grade teacher and memories of the creative ways she used the chalkboard.  She was the first person I wanted to tell about the arrival of my new baby brother.  Sharing things with her seemed to be the most natural thing in the world.  Teachers are often the first person a kid turns to with exciting news...and scary secrets.  Identifying a teacher or person at school who a child can trust to tell if they have a problem is an essential part of every child's interview of at Dearing House.  We recognize and appreciate the role of teachers in child protection!

I have other favorites, too.  My fourth grade teacher began every morning in her classroom with piano playing and hymn singing.  (Yes it was public school many many decades ago.)  I was literally petrified to go to school and she must have known that singing would ease my fears.  In middle school I considered my science teacher to be a slave driver, but you can guess who taught me the most....not just about cell division but more importantly, accountability.  I learned perseverance from my Algebra teacher who was willing to work extra hours to get those formulas through my thick head. I credit my senior English teacher with nurturing my love of grammar! Each of these teachers provided support in very different ways without my even knowing it!

The impact of teachers goes WAY beyond reading, writing and 'rithmatic and there are decades of research on children's brain development to support that. School can be a safe haven for children in our communities who live in households plagued with violence, drugs, and alcohol.  Unfortunately many children live with in an environment of toxic stress which compromises their learning, behavior, and health.   Key to overcoming these obstacles is a relationship with at least one supportive adult....often a teacher or coach. While understanding mathematical formulas is a valuable skill, having a stable, supportive relationship with a teacher makes an even bigger difference in the healthy development of a child's mind.
Let's add a fourth element to the famous 3 R's of learning: Resilience!    Relationships with teachers (and other supportive adults) offer significant opportunities for children to experience good outcomes in spite of adversity.   More times than I can count (despite the efforts of my teacher to improve my math skills), children at Dearing House have shared how a teacher has made a difference in their lives.

Is there a teacher you can thank TODAY for bolstering you when things weren't easy?  If you're a teacher reading this, thank you for each and every time you give a pat on the back to a discouraged child, or spend an extra minute (or hour) helping a child master their assignments.  Do you know you are changing the architecture of that individual's brain in ways that will matter way beyond the end of the school year?  And that child's sense of self-worth and mastery is the key component to preventing child sexual abuse because a child that is valued and appreciated by someone appropriate is significantly less likely to fall prey to a sex offender who targets emotionally starved children.

Resilience.  Kids enjoying a good outcome...a good life... in spite of adversity.  Teachers, parents, community leaders: Dearing House is working right alongside you in supporting healthy development and celebrating the future of children!  The website for the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University has wonderful information on brain architecture and ways to help kids.  Check out the video below as a quick example about resilience.
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Visitors tell us the learn a lot on our website so please send your friends to www.DearingHouse.com for more resources and lets stay connected daily on Facebook! 
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I’m sure my former English teacher would love to take a red pen to this commentary, but hopefully she would appreciate that I eventually came around to understanding the merits of research papers!